It seems that the new Pixar film Wall-E has computer-generated fat people in it, as part of a cautionary tale aimed at its own target audience. This is not going over well, as fat people from Wal-Mart to the blogosphere are stomping their feet, as apparently they are deeply offended at the suggestion that fatness […]

Ironica
n.
1. erotica for the too-hip-to-jerk-it (or at least admit it); such as The Zombie Survival Guide, Death Cab for Cutie records, or anything written/uttered by John Hodgman
2. a shitty emo-metal band from Finland (who, as much as they suck, still cannot approach the black hole of suck that is Death Cab)

Welcome to your moment: you know you’re Nowhere when it’s 3Am and you’re still there – working on your latest chewed-fingertipped manifesto, Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Laid, Chapter Forty-Eight-and-a-Half. Your oversexed, under-indulged id-on-crack has finally cracked like an atom split down the middle, leaving one angry little boy-creature doing a junked-out perp walk across […]

3. The Captivatingly Ugly: Ass-Hooks

While the Intertubes haven’t exactly been inundated with pirate-porn as yet; no shrieking, androgynous cocksmen prancing about like a pre-hepatitis Tommy Lee or a to-be-speared Pamela hoisted up for semi-consensual pirate gang-fuckery like a tattered sail – granted, it could happen. (Check your Bittorrent provider of choice.)

But instead, the […]

Druids
n., pl.

1. the first-gen BDSM denizens of the Internet, who redefined, per their own reclusive, astigmatic vision, the rules of BDSM as we know them today
2. any user on a BDSM messaging site who tells you that your version of BDSM or kink is wrong, or that you aren’t following the rules: “Some Druid […]

2. The Bad: Androgyny

This one was a long time coming, even before Jack Sparrow leapt out from the silver screen and rubbed mascara all over our collective trousers, creating a cocklike Shroud of Turin.

The recent uptick in male androgyny (boydrogyny?) can’t be entirely pinned on Johnny Depp. But he’s as good a scapegoat […]

So, you’ve finally made it. After scads of junkbuzzings of all shapes, sizes, colors and zoom-settings; flowery manifestos from the Angry-Whiny Man-Cub delegation of the No-Pussy Club; treatises from unhappily married men on what does or does not constitute a BBW; unpublished manuscripts from the ire-filled bellies of the Dead Pussy Club (we need to […]

Today we conclude, with heavy hearts (in our tapeworms), our fond look back at a life lived culinarily and sexually. Parts 1 and 2 can be read here and here.
I sprawled through much of my 20s with the same culinary philosophy: cigarettes, burnt cow meat, cookies, and soda. When you are a 20something […]

Erotica Ars
- the sultry, sluttier alternate-universe cousin of Veronica Mars who is Earth-2’s most celebrated Evil Burlesque Dancer (and who unlike Evil Spock, does not sport an Evil Goatee)

Thanks to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, we have found ourselves awash in all things pirate for several years now. This surge in the popularity of all things pirate-y has also manifested itself upon us sexually, not unlike Davy Jones tentacle-fucking our collective id. While piracy itself may not currently be among our most-celebrated […]

You refer to your rent as “the tab”.

You are somewhat ashamed to reveal your new non-paying occupation to your family. So you tell your sister about your Word of the Week posts. She in turn tells her friends, “my brother writes dirty Sniglets.”

You think Twitter is totally gay. And not in the homosexual […]

Part 1 of our mud-stomp through the minefields of culinary desire can be read here.
Now, the cardinal rule of my family’s kitchen was Waste Not, or, more eloquently put by dear Pater: ‘there are too many starving people in the world for you to get away with wasting the perfectly good food we provide […]