Aloha! And welcome to Denver, site of a fuckton of NSA Craigslisted sex, bondage parties, hirsute tree-huggers, spandexed bike cops, and sex workers by the bushel. Oh yeah, and the Democratic National Convention’s here, too.
By the look of things so far, it’s gonna be a busy day here. Everyone’s a little bleary-eyed from all-night flights, or all-night group sex parties; last night was MSNBC’s first soiree – and let me tell you, they really are partisan – for bondage hoods and nipple clamps!
The big stories of the morning are the lingering-if-not-still-brewing tensions between the Obama and Clinton camps. Their rivalry seems to be escalating again, thanks to a rather unsavory scene at the MSNBC party, which had something to do with Samantha Power in full-on dominatrix garb taunting a naked-save-a-PVC-girlded Mark Penn with a Zagnut bar. The real highlight of the evening however was the terrible twosome of Dan Abrams and Tucker Carlson offering blowjobs to network execs in exchange to get their respective shows back.
The other big story of the morning is whether or not the venerable old lion of the Senate, Ted Kennedy, will make an appearance tonight. According to our sources, he is in town, camped out at the downtown Hilton with a coterie of babes so fine as to put the boys of Entourage to shame. The old lion might be on his last legs, folks – but he’s still got some roar left, if you know what I mean.