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The Pizza Nazi Strikes Back

» by The Snarling Misanthrope July 31st, 2008 at 9:53 am » Comments (0)

And this time, it’s - yeah, you know.

Since my original post on the twin-ion engines of pizza and dating, I have been besieged with letters (four, to be precise!) asking me to clarify the dos-and-donts of other toppings and pizza styles. And as I’m always happy to instruct young padawans in the ways of […]

Junk Food: The Pizza Nazi

» by The Snarling Misanthrope July 10th, 2008 at 12:06 pm » Comments (1)

If you are a practicing douchebag, or thinking about becoming a douchebag, the first thing you have to do is lean to pick your spots. Douchebaggery, you see, is the art of knowing when. You can’t unleash full-blown douchiness all the time: you’ll never get laid with those incorrect politics.

Douchebaggery has to be implemented […]

Cigarettes Are Vegetables, Manger à Trois Edition

» by The Snarling Misanthrope June 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm » Comments (1)

Today we conclude, with heavy hearts (in our tapeworms), our fond look back at a life lived culinarily and sexually. Parts 1 and 2 can be read here and here.
I sprawled through much of my 20s with the same culinary philosophy: cigarettes, burnt cow meat, cookies, and soda. When you are a 20something […]

Cigarettes ARE Vegetables, Two

» by The Snarling Misanthrope June 24th, 2008 at 12:57 pm » Comments (0)

Part 1 of our mud-stomp through the minefields of culinary desire can be read here.
Now, the cardinal rule of my family’s kitchen was Waste Not, or, more eloquently put by dear Pater: ‘there are too many starving people in the world for you to get away with wasting the perfectly good food we provide […]

JUNK FOOD: Cigarettes Are Vegetables Too

» by The Snarling Misanthrope June 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm » Comments (1)

A common question in the hypothetically-pink pantheon of internet dating is some variant of ‘What is your philosophy on the practices of the meat industry/are you a vegetarian/vegan/do you eat auras?’

I am a boy. Therefore I am a carnivore. Actually I am something of a supercarnivore. I am Mikey from the Life cereal commercials, […]

JUNK FOOD: Vegbusters

» by The Snarling Misanthrope June 13th, 2008 at 11:00 am » Comments (1)

I like meat. Seriously; I like meat a lot. I am a man, who, upon passing a field of cows, will roll down the window and yell ‘hello, steak!’, much to the disgust of any passengers.

I am without a doubt a PETA activist’s nightmare. Although I must confess that I desperately want to date […]

JUNK FOOD: Jazzing up the Jizz

» by The Snarling Misanthrope May 16th, 2008 at 10:03 am » Comments (0)

So. Apparently I’ve been out of the lube-loop for awhile. So can someone please let me know what the fuck is it with all the flavored facilitators? I mean, come on (a napkin). Does anyone really want to taste mocha-hazelnut latte when giving head? Doesn’t anyone like the taste of sex anymore?

Maybe it’s just […]