sex, lies, and .jpgs


August 25th, 2008 at 7:52 am

My Morning Junket: Two Cents for Sex, No Sense for Ugly Dudes, Totally Hot Nuns, and Polyamory Seems to Have Hit a Snag in Some Places

Ugly dudes can get paid for sex…oh, wait – no, they can’t: a pair of horny, Uncle Fester-like British dudes plopped down £200 to join a male-escort agency that guarantees paying dates for its fuglies. Now they’re causing a big British stink about it, insisting that it isn’t their repulsive appearances that are keeping them from making scads of cash money, but rather the broken promises of Rebecca’s Nationwide Male Escorts. Which only goes to re-emphasize our point that the British are fucking weird.

You know, I’ve always wanted to fuck a nun: ah, Catholics. There’s nothing quite like them. Case in point: a priest in Rome is organizing an online beauty pageant for Catholics nuns worldwide. Miss Sister 2008 will strive to break a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic church, such as the withered fuglyhood of its nuns, as well as the belief/knowledge/incontrovertible fact that Catholic priests are more comfortable touching boys than women. I can’t wait to see Miss Aquinas and Miss Conventual get into a flame war over whose tits reign supreme.

Polyamory invades Florida; heavy drinking ensues: an Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputy was called to the home of a well-inebriated couple who were having a COPS-style ‘discussion’ about the finer points of monogamy, in relation to their own relationship. The male of the couple expressed his deep desire to entertain/endure a long-term monogamous relationship, whereas the female made plain her favoring of as many partners as she could dig up on Craigslist. The deputy listened to both sides, cited them each for douchebaggery, and left them to their argument. No consensus has been reached yet, but we’ll keep you posted.

The cheapest date you won’t have this week: Fausino Diaz Hernandez was feeling a little randy a few nights ago. So he found a friendly-faced prostitute, and offered her two cents for her services. Then he offered her cigarette lighters and a bicycle. He thought she was on the verge of accepting, when all of a sudden she revealed herself to be an undercover cop. Oopsies!

The worst way ever to find out that your girlfriend is polyamorous: as part of Junkbuzzed’s ongoing PSA Don’t Date This Person, may we humbly add one Bethany Eldredge to the list. Bethany stole her boyfriend’s credit card and put it to good use while she could, purchasing liquor, new clothes at the mall, dinner, and a room at the local Best Western. The boyfriend, hip to the suspicious activity on his card, went out to Best Western, found that there indeed was a room rented in his name, and asked for a key to ‘his’ room. Whereupon he found Bethany. In bed with another dude. Bethany is now enjoying a new room, at the county jail. Seriously – if you’re gonna use a stolen credit card to get a room, why in the blue fuck would you go to Best Western?

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Related posts:

  1. My Morning Junket: Creepy Old Naked Dudes, Stupid Naked Dudes, Republican Naked Dudes, Underage Naked Strippers, and the British Go On the Wagon
  2. My Morning Junket: Guy-Liner, Win a Dream Date With Hillary, Luke Cage Gets His PhD on, Harry and Charles Get Their Dita On, And We Totally Miss Wendy Jo Sperber


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