sex, lies, and .jpgs


July 24th, 2008 at 11:23 am

Casuality: Junk, Junkies, and the Rising Fortunes of the Junk Market, Seth Rogen Style

“A junky runs on junk time. When his junk is cut off, the clock runs down and stops. All he can do is hang on and wait for non-junk time to start.”

William S. Burroughs’ words have never rung quite as true as after a whimsical traipse through the wilds of Craigslist – Casual Encounters, that is. Or we can just call it Casuality (kăzh - o͝o – ăl – ĭt – ē) – part causality, part casualty, and all Casual, all caterwauling, all the time.

Today, let’s celebrate the mating habits of the Roganites. Whatever your opinion on Seth Rogen may be, his impact on teh internets is undeniable. His success has encouraged every other burly, aimless pothead not only to come out of their hovels, but also to post pictures of themselves in various states of undress. It is as if Seth was cloned, de-Canadianized, and scattered across this great land like a broken dime bag. So let’s take a look at some of the Roganites trolling for sex and weed in the intertubes:

This Roganite was obviously put on the Jenny Craig(slist) diet, and given an even worse haircut than the original model. And apparently something else shrunk in tandem with his gut.

This one’s gotta be a vegetarian. There’s no way a Roganite could ever be that thin without resorting to drastic measures. What really makes this guy hot is the hot-pink underwear line around his furry waist.

The point of any Seth Rogen film is to illustrate how hot chicks really want to be with loveable doofuses. And support their alcoholism. And buy their weed. While they blog. Case in point: doesn’t this Katherine Heigl stand-in look fulfilled?

With any Seth Rogen character, there must be an anti-Rogen, a nemesis that represents straightforwardness, un-lumpyness, and capitalist success. Today’s anti-Rogen comes to us like a savior in the night. You see, apparently Chester County has experienced a real dick-drought of late; fortunately, long and thick dick has been restored and is now available for your long-n’-thick pleasure. And now, Seth Rogen must fight him to the death.

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